Fourth Lupin movie post
Feb. 7th, 2011 03:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tilly_stratfordIt's funny how I've got such a goldfish memory when it comes to Lupin movies specifically - it always depends on how good the last movie I saw was. If it was good I can't wait to see another, if it was bad I have to spend a lot of time convincing myself to ever watch another one.
Too bad the last one I watched this time won the dubious honour of being the worst Lupin movie I've seen yet. I'm hoping posting about it will flush it out of my system because I just know there has to be other good movies in this franchise I haven't seen yet.
Anyways this time I've mostly seen very recent Lupin movies, it's interesting to see the gang in the 21th Century, attempting to be relevant and meta. And not always succeeding. Aaand I rewatched one of the former "worst Lupin movies ever" and thus it gained a different position on the list. So yes, even I can change my opinion on things. Sometimes.
You remember how it goes - best at the top, worst at the bottom.
1. Episode 0 – First Contact (TV special, 2002): Previous review
2. The Castle of Cagliostro (theatrical movie, 1979): Previous review
3. Farewell to Nostradamus (theatrical movie, 1995): Previous review
4. Goodbye Lady Liberty (TV special, 1989): Previous review
5. The Fuma Conspiracy (theatrical movie, 1987): Previous review
6. The Secret of Mamo (theatrical movie, 1978): Yes, I admit it: I was overly harsh on this on my first viewing. Until I saw 'The Hemingway Papers' I even called it the worst Lupin movie I'd seen - and I now realize it really isn't.
My main excuse is that it was the second Lupin movie I ever saw, and as it was also the first animated Lupin movie ever to be made it's both tonally and stylistically very very different from the others; in fact at this point I can definitely tell it's much truer to the original manga (not only the character design but also how Lupin is ten times more lascivious than usual, and the gang's relationship is much more mercurial) than any of the subsequent movies. So true, in fact, it's the only Lupin movie with a genuine Monkey Punch-made poster:
It was later phased out because the bottom tagline is apparently
wicked spoilery. Good thing you don't read Japanese, huh?
The movie is extraordinarily ambiguous for a Lupin film - and rewatching it in conjunction with the newer films has made me realize how good it actually is; In this movie you're frequently wondering about the main characters' motivations, and even what scenes are real and which are dreams or hallucinations – a bit overwhelming if you're new to the series, perhaps, but it's simply deliciously innovative in its surrealism.
So now I've got a better grip on both what this movie's trying to do and the personalities of the main cast there are even scenes I once thought were out-of-character that I now find incredibly touching! This movie features possibly one of the entire franchise's most heartbreaking moments, when Jigen realizes with more than a little bitterness that as much as he tries, he can never bring himself to leave Lupin for good – the way it plays out it struck me as one of the most emotionally complex scenes I've seen in a cartoon.
I still think the character design for Mamo is fucking terrible though, and the gratuitous female nudity gets overly... gratituous. Still though, movie, you're not as bad as I thought.
7. Dead or Alive (theatrical movie, 1996): To this date this is the last Lupin movie to be cinematically released, and while it's got some symptoms of Nineties Syndrome (with characters such as Crisis and Punish, sorry - Pannish), it makes up for it with an exciting final act and a plot twist that actually manages to redeem a lot of the boring stuff you've been forced to watch.
The art is somewhat unusual for the franchise, the new characters mostly looking "generic nineties anime" -
One of these is a dude.
- while the regular guys have gotten a muscle upgrade and I think they're supposed to look more "dashing"? IDK.
Actually Lupin even runs around the final act with a ripped shirt Captain Kirk style. IDEK.
The majority of the plot concerns the political climate of yet another made-up country along with yet another supercomputer (I think all moviemakers in the early to mid nineties had a huge hardon for supercomputers), but to be honest it surprises you with a major twist at the end that at least makes up for the last part. Yes, a plot twist in a Lupin movie!
Did I also mention the climax, which features A KNIFE FIGHT IN A ROOM FULL OF KNIFEY TENTACLES? (And not dodgy tentacles. KNIFEY tentacles.) All in all, not the worst of movies.
8. Angel Tactics (TV special, 2005): Between this and The Last Job I think I'm starting to see a trend among the most recent movies:
- They really know how to do good action and chase scenes. This one begins with a rather wonderful bit inside Area 51 as the gang tries to steal alien tech in a suitably flamboyant way.
The problem is when they go completely overboard in the GUNS ABLAZIN way and you find yourself thinking "holy shit that's dumb" - like when the baddies run around continually shooting with machine guns even as they're looking for Lupin and Zenigata.
- A lot of the humour goes by the lowest common denominator. I'm not saying Lupin III has always been a source of classy sophisticated humour, but there's certainly a bigger focus on bodily functions and kneed groins than there has been earlier.
Though I do get a giggle out of these little throwaway jokes.
- The writers REALLY don't trust the audience to understand even minor plot points (but then again I didn't even understand the major plot points in The Last Job...) and keep spelling them out in increasingly patronizing ways.
Oh, are you telling me that the potion you secretly snuck into Lupin's drink and that
made him tell you his big secret was a truth serum? Also who're you talking to, lady?
On the other hand it's also lead topossibly the greatest inner-monologue-while-walking-away-from-an-explosion in film history:
Why doesn't ever Vin Diesel teach me about physics?
- The Lupin gang splits up and every member get comparable foes. Based on other reviews I've read it seems the Lupin fanbase are getting tired of this schtick, but I still think it's a good source of entertainment (better than the writers trying to come up with a challenge that requires A) something to be sliced by Goemon, B) Something to be shot at by Jigen and C) Something to be shot at with slightly less precision by Lupin).
- Zenigata is both a bumbling clumsy idiot and a mature, somewhat world-weary professional. This I find pretty interesting – I prefer the veteran policeman angle myself, but at least in these newer movies I'm guaranteed some good soul-searching monologues as well as LOLOL ZENIGATA TRIPS AND FALLS OVER.
As for the plot, it concerns an anti-American terrorist group consisting of only big-boobed babes (groan) -
Something tells me al-Qaeda don't use the same outfitters.
...and Zenigata gets a subplot of his own concerning his new assistant and his fatherly affection for her (aww). The plot isn't too bad – for once everything ties together from the beginning onwards instead of consisting of several loosely-cobbled together separate plots. But then it really really gets silly towards the end, the villains go from menacing to absolutely batshit ridiculous.
Also I don't know if this is a cultural thing, but this is the (I think) first Lupin movie which features a character that's identified as bisexual, and it's treated like a big deal because OMG SHE DRESSES LIKE A MAN. ...Yeah, those are called trousers. It might be because she's a villain, but this movie seems to really work by the notion bisexuality = transgenderism = multiple personality disorder = BATSHIT INSANITY. Icky.
Aaaanyway on the other hand you've got a bitchin' team-up scene complete with Power Rangers-style posing!
And then they cheerfully slaughter waves and waves of panting
and moaning lycra-clad women. God this movie's got some sex issues.
BUT after forty years of Goemon specifically-knocking-people-unconcious-with-the-flat-end-of-his-sword and Jigen shooting-people-who-quietly-collapse-and-possibly-reappear-later-with-no-wounds there is something weirdly satisfying about a movie where baddies and (not just heroes) bleed when you cut or shoot them.
9. The Columbus Files (TV special, 1999): Previous review
10. The Alcatraz Connection (TV special, 2001): Previous review
11. Napoleon's Dictionary (TV special, 1991): Previous review
12. Green vs. Red (TV special, 2008): Previous review
13. Operation: Return the Treasure (TV special, 2003): Again we've got one those movies with a really fun setup: In accordance with the final will of a deceased friend Lupin has to return several historically significant artifacts that his friend had stolen. It's a fun twist! Even better, they are actual objects (like the Copenhagen mermaid statue, the Bocca della Veritas, and bizarrely, the gondola from Moonraker) and so Lupin et al. travel all over the world (not just Tokyo and New York, finally!)! The movie starts out in Moscow -
Though I shamefully noticed that bitchin' trenchcoat before I noticed the background.
- and finally winds up in Barcelona.
See? Good starting point. Horrible execution. The pacing isn't all that, but the thing that really rubs me the wrong way is how the movie does several set-ups it doesn't deliver any closure; For instance, at one point Lupin makes sure the entire Venice police force goes after Goemon, and in the aftermath Lupin and Jigen talk at some length about how it's certain that Goemon will exact his revenge on Lupin. It hinted at several times, but nothing ever comes of it, Goemon goes from being pissy in one scene to his usual devoted self in the next.
Also, I've found a good indicator on whether a Lupin movie is for me: If the actor voicing Lupin talks at a normal pitch, it's probably my kind of movie. If he talks at about the same pitch as a six-yearold girl going through her first princess phase it means it's another movie with a kooky, hyper, “endearing” Lupin and not a single joke in the movie will make me so much as crack a smile (that might be due to my stone-cold heart though. Not even Lupin, Goemon and Jigen in drag at Moulin Rouge got as much as a titter out of me).
And BOY does Lupin come across as a complete asshole in this one. I think the scriptwriters didn't intend it, but they get a lot of unfortunate scenes, like when Goemon gets shot and Lupin leaves him behind, muttering something about how Goemon can handle himself.
It's not like he'll bleed half to death in a parking lot, right?
- or when Jigen is tortured by the baddies to make him reveal Lupin's location, juxtaposed with Lupin flirting with his newest ladyfriend and complaining about how he can't get hold of a good cup of coffee. That's cold, Lupin; trés fucking chaude.
But this movie is sneaky enough to end with one of the nicest pieces of music Yuji Ohno has ever written (and that's saying something), so it winds up seeming like a much more satisfying film than it actually is!
14. The Last Job (TV special, 2010): Previous review
15. Voyage to Danger (TV special, 1993): Previous review
16. Island of Assassins (TV special, 1997): Previous review
17. Seven Days' Rhapsody (TV special, 2006): It's amazing how all these recent movies' are so similar – again, somebody had a great, promising idea for a plot, and then the poor execution bogs the whole thing down. Overall plot: The movie takes place over one week (hence the title) before the next big heist, and so at the beginning the gang split up to pass the time in various ways:
- Lupin somehow gets lured into being the bodyguard of a rich sixteen-yearold girl who has a crush on him (and he in turn lusts after her which becomes more than a little creepy and the fact that Fujiko calls him out on it makes me like her a little bit more). Also he's got a supercomputer/lab/catapult in his tooth. Jesus that's dumb.
- Fujiko and Goemon team up to steal one of the world's largest diamonds (there are a lot of those, aren't there?) in what's the most enjoyable part of the movie, particularly as I can't think of another time where only Goemon and Fujiko work together; their dynamic is pretty different to the others. This part of the movie is mostly marred by Fujiko's boobs obscuring several scenes (animators, really? REALLY?).
- Jigen meets up with YET ANOTHER of his associates from his dark past, and is also given what I believe is the most pointless and underdeveloped flashback in the entire history of the franchise.
Really, movie? You want to throw out forty years of ambiguous
storytelling* for a girl that dies thirty seconds after she's introduced?
Bottom line, as Jigen's stuck holding the Stupid Ball this time he winds up signing one last hitman contract, and surprise, the hit is Lupin. And what follows is pretty much the single most awkward and stilted conflict in Lupin history; “Oh no, I must honour my word and fulfill the contract, it's not like I'm a thief/hitman who've spent my whole life cheating and stealing and killing”. I know most Lupin writers got a boner for “Lupin vs. Jigen” plots but THIS MOVIE, Jesus.
Ooh I do wonder if they're going to kill each other, edge of my fucking seat here.
No surprise, the conflict is resolved in the most anticlimactic and nonsensical way ever.
As for the rest, the animation is annoyingly poor in this movie – nobody ever moves their eeeeyes, which is sorta creepy, and in the action scenes everybody moves painfully slow and even the simplest walk cycle looks more like barbie dolls bobbing up and down. It also got a massive amount (well okay maybe not "massive amount", but like, four) of gay jokes, mostly about Lupin - the oddest thing is that they're not funny or make the least bit of sense. First canonical penis-grabbing between main characters though, for those keeping scores at home?
However, as a nice shoutout to the Green series Lupin does spend the entire final act without trousers on. Searching for a silver lining here.
*You see, one of those things I can appreciate about Lupin III is the consistency in how they've miraculously managed to never give a love interest to Jigen. The original explanation for Jigen's disinterest in women is that he's just a big ol' misogynist, but in the actual series Lupin's arguably a bigger misogynist than he is. In fact I'm starting to believe certain writers through the years have ever-so-subtly written Jigen as gay (and not for Lupin obviously). There have been several conflicts over the years where Lupin has expressed how he wishes Jigen could be interested in women like he himself is - and at at least one occasion Jigen even sadly replies that yes, so does he. /Overthinking an anime
18. The Hemingway Papers (TV special 1990): Previous review
19. From Russia With Love (TV special, 1992): WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION FOR "WORST LUPIN MOVIE EVER", PEOPLE. Like with The Hemingway Papers this is an inordinately boring movie - it took me three tries to even get through it. There's just so little story, just the one straightforward plot - Lupin means to steal the gold of the Romanovs - that's what he's already set his eyes on from the first scene on, and that's what he succeeds at in the final scene. It's even just sitting in bank, no ancient riddles to solve or traps to outfox, and so he robs it (which goes severely against the Lupin mythos too, as he's always said that mere robberies are beneath him). It's like the scriptwriters had only one post-it note to write the script on.
Well Goemon gets an awkwardly underdeveloped subplot where the eeeeevil monk Rasputon - I'm sure you can't see his big plot twist revelation coming from a mile away - holds his legendary sword hostage and forces Goemon to servitude. This plot thread goes absolutely nowhere, by the way.
Also Rasputon has the weirdest, most disconcerting "fight style" which consists of jabbing his finger into various orifices of his enemies. I'm not even kidding.
Goemon has never before been so repeatedly forcibly penetrated outside of a kink meme. HEYOO.
The movie is just downright awkward. The art style is ugly, the animation is static (oh and EVERY SINGLE TIME something "exciting" happens we see the clip three times in rapid succession. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.), the new characters are so one-dimensional the scriptwriters use the three same old techniques to make us care about them (1. Lupin wants to bang one. 2. Fujiko lez-es it up. 3. Whoever Jigen befriends winds up dead in the final scene), and I've never seen so many homophobic jokes in another Lupin movie. Considering the decidedly metrosexual nature of our heroes I was even surprised you could cram so much homophobia into a Lupin movie.
I feel Fujiko succinctly expresses the way I feel about this movie:
Lupin III vs Detective Conan (TV special 2009): Previous review
I'll say this for Angel Tactics though; In a franchise that has seen its fair share of deus ex machinas and ass-pulls, it's impressive to sweep them all aside with the most ridiculous ass-pull of them all:
Why of course Jigen's got a small air conditioner strapped to his head on the off-chance that a member of a terrorist group will try to use knock-out gas on him. OBVIOUSLY.
Too bad the last one I watched this time won the dubious honour of being the worst Lupin movie I've seen yet. I'm hoping posting about it will flush it out of my system because I just know there has to be other good movies in this franchise I haven't seen yet.
Anyways this time I've mostly seen very recent Lupin movies, it's interesting to see the gang in the 21th Century, attempting to be relevant and meta. And not always succeeding. Aaand I rewatched one of the former "worst Lupin movies ever" and thus it gained a different position on the list. So yes, even I can change my opinion on things. Sometimes.
You remember how it goes - best at the top, worst at the bottom.
1. Episode 0 – First Contact (TV special, 2002): Previous review
2. The Castle of Cagliostro (theatrical movie, 1979): Previous review
3. Farewell to Nostradamus (theatrical movie, 1995): Previous review
4. Goodbye Lady Liberty (TV special, 1989): Previous review
5. The Fuma Conspiracy (theatrical movie, 1987): Previous review
6. The Secret of Mamo (theatrical movie, 1978): Yes, I admit it: I was overly harsh on this on my first viewing. Until I saw 'The Hemingway Papers' I even called it the worst Lupin movie I'd seen - and I now realize it really isn't.
My main excuse is that it was the second Lupin movie I ever saw, and as it was also the first animated Lupin movie ever to be made it's both tonally and stylistically very very different from the others; in fact at this point I can definitely tell it's much truer to the original manga (not only the character design but also how Lupin is ten times more lascivious than usual, and the gang's relationship is much more mercurial) than any of the subsequent movies. So true, in fact, it's the only Lupin movie with a genuine Monkey Punch-made poster:
It was later phased out because the bottom tagline is apparently
wicked spoilery. Good thing you don't read Japanese, huh?
The movie is extraordinarily ambiguous for a Lupin film - and rewatching it in conjunction with the newer films has made me realize how good it actually is; In this movie you're frequently wondering about the main characters' motivations, and even what scenes are real and which are dreams or hallucinations – a bit overwhelming if you're new to the series, perhaps, but it's simply deliciously innovative in its surrealism.
So now I've got a better grip on both what this movie's trying to do and the personalities of the main cast there are even scenes I once thought were out-of-character that I now find incredibly touching! This movie features possibly one of the entire franchise's most heartbreaking moments, when Jigen realizes with more than a little bitterness that as much as he tries, he can never bring himself to leave Lupin for good – the way it plays out it struck me as one of the most emotionally complex scenes I've seen in a cartoon.
I still think the character design for Mamo is fucking terrible though, and the gratuitous female nudity gets overly... gratituous. Still though, movie, you're not as bad as I thought.
7. Dead or Alive (theatrical movie, 1996): To this date this is the last Lupin movie to be cinematically released, and while it's got some symptoms of Nineties Syndrome (with characters such as Crisis and Punish, sorry - Pannish), it makes up for it with an exciting final act and a plot twist that actually manages to redeem a lot of the boring stuff you've been forced to watch.
The art is somewhat unusual for the franchise, the new characters mostly looking "generic nineties anime" -
One of these is a dude.
- while the regular guys have gotten a muscle upgrade and I think they're supposed to look more "dashing"? IDK.
Actually Lupin even runs around the final act with a ripped shirt Captain Kirk style. IDEK.
The majority of the plot concerns the political climate of yet another made-up country along with yet another supercomputer (I think all moviemakers in the early to mid nineties had a huge hardon for supercomputers), but to be honest it surprises you with a major twist at the end that at least makes up for the last part. Yes, a plot twist in a Lupin movie!
Did I also mention the climax, which features A KNIFE FIGHT IN A ROOM FULL OF KNIFEY TENTACLES? (And not dodgy tentacles. KNIFEY tentacles.) All in all, not the worst of movies.
8. Angel Tactics (TV special, 2005): Between this and The Last Job I think I'm starting to see a trend among the most recent movies:
- They really know how to do good action and chase scenes. This one begins with a rather wonderful bit inside Area 51 as the gang tries to steal alien tech in a suitably flamboyant way.
The problem is when they go completely overboard in the GUNS ABLAZIN way and you find yourself thinking "holy shit that's dumb" - like when the baddies run around continually shooting with machine guns even as they're looking for Lupin and Zenigata.
- A lot of the humour goes by the lowest common denominator. I'm not saying Lupin III has always been a source of classy sophisticated humour, but there's certainly a bigger focus on bodily functions and kneed groins than there has been earlier.
Though I do get a giggle out of these little throwaway jokes.
- The writers REALLY don't trust the audience to understand even minor plot points (but then again I didn't even understand the major plot points in The Last Job...) and keep spelling them out in increasingly patronizing ways.
Oh, are you telling me that the potion you secretly snuck into Lupin's drink and that
made him tell you his big secret was a truth serum? Also who're you talking to, lady?
On the other hand it's also lead to
Why doesn't ever Vin Diesel teach me about physics?
- The Lupin gang splits up and every member get comparable foes. Based on other reviews I've read it seems the Lupin fanbase are getting tired of this schtick, but I still think it's a good source of entertainment (better than the writers trying to come up with a challenge that requires A) something to be sliced by Goemon, B) Something to be shot at by Jigen and C) Something to be shot at with slightly less precision by Lupin).
- Zenigata is both a bumbling clumsy idiot and a mature, somewhat world-weary professional. This I find pretty interesting – I prefer the veteran policeman angle myself, but at least in these newer movies I'm guaranteed some good soul-searching monologues as well as LOLOL ZENIGATA TRIPS AND FALLS OVER.
As for the plot, it concerns an anti-American terrorist group consisting of only big-boobed babes (groan) -
Something tells me al-Qaeda don't use the same outfitters.
...and Zenigata gets a subplot of his own concerning his new assistant and his fatherly affection for her (aww). The plot isn't too bad – for once everything ties together from the beginning onwards instead of consisting of several loosely-cobbled together separate plots. But then it really really gets silly towards the end, the villains go from menacing to absolutely batshit ridiculous.
Also I don't know if this is a cultural thing, but this is the (I think) first Lupin movie which features a character that's identified as bisexual, and it's treated like a big deal because OMG SHE DRESSES LIKE A MAN. ...Yeah, those are called trousers. It might be because she's a villain, but this movie seems to really work by the notion bisexuality = transgenderism = multiple personality disorder = BATSHIT INSANITY. Icky.
Aaaanyway on the other hand you've got a bitchin' team-up scene complete with Power Rangers-style posing!
And then they cheerfully slaughter waves and waves of panting
and moaning lycra-clad women. God this movie's got some sex issues.
BUT after forty years of Goemon specifically-knocking-people-unconcious-with-the-flat-end-of-his-sword and Jigen shooting-people-who-quietly-collapse-and-possibly-reappear-later-with-no-wounds there is something weirdly satisfying about a movie where baddies and (not just heroes) bleed when you cut or shoot them.
9. The Columbus Files (TV special, 1999): Previous review
10. The Alcatraz Connection (TV special, 2001): Previous review
11. Napoleon's Dictionary (TV special, 1991): Previous review
12. Green vs. Red (TV special, 2008): Previous review
13. Operation: Return the Treasure (TV special, 2003): Again we've got one those movies with a really fun setup: In accordance with the final will of a deceased friend Lupin has to return several historically significant artifacts that his friend had stolen. It's a fun twist! Even better, they are actual objects (like the Copenhagen mermaid statue, the Bocca della Veritas, and bizarrely, the gondola from Moonraker) and so Lupin et al. travel all over the world (not just Tokyo and New York, finally!)! The movie starts out in Moscow -
Though I shamefully noticed that bitchin' trenchcoat before I noticed the background.
- and finally winds up in Barcelona.
See? Good starting point. Horrible execution. The pacing isn't all that, but the thing that really rubs me the wrong way is how the movie does several set-ups it doesn't deliver any closure; For instance, at one point Lupin makes sure the entire Venice police force goes after Goemon, and in the aftermath Lupin and Jigen talk at some length about how it's certain that Goemon will exact his revenge on Lupin. It hinted at several times, but nothing ever comes of it, Goemon goes from being pissy in one scene to his usual devoted self in the next.
Also, I've found a good indicator on whether a Lupin movie is for me: If the actor voicing Lupin talks at a normal pitch, it's probably my kind of movie. If he talks at about the same pitch as a six-yearold girl going through her first princess phase it means it's another movie with a kooky, hyper, “endearing” Lupin and not a single joke in the movie will make me so much as crack a smile (that might be due to my stone-cold heart though. Not even Lupin, Goemon and Jigen in drag at Moulin Rouge got as much as a titter out of me).
And BOY does Lupin come across as a complete asshole in this one. I think the scriptwriters didn't intend it, but they get a lot of unfortunate scenes, like when Goemon gets shot and Lupin leaves him behind, muttering something about how Goemon can handle himself.
It's not like he'll bleed half to death in a parking lot, right?
- or when Jigen is tortured by the baddies to make him reveal Lupin's location, juxtaposed with Lupin flirting with his newest ladyfriend and complaining about how he can't get hold of a good cup of coffee. That's cold, Lupin; trés fucking chaude.
But this movie is sneaky enough to end with one of the nicest pieces of music Yuji Ohno has ever written (and that's saying something), so it winds up seeming like a much more satisfying film than it actually is!
14. The Last Job (TV special, 2010): Previous review
15. Voyage to Danger (TV special, 1993): Previous review
16. Island of Assassins (TV special, 1997): Previous review
17. Seven Days' Rhapsody (TV special, 2006): It's amazing how all these recent movies' are so similar – again, somebody had a great, promising idea for a plot, and then the poor execution bogs the whole thing down. Overall plot: The movie takes place over one week (hence the title) before the next big heist, and so at the beginning the gang split up to pass the time in various ways:
- Lupin somehow gets lured into being the bodyguard of a rich sixteen-yearold girl who has a crush on him (and he in turn lusts after her which becomes more than a little creepy and the fact that Fujiko calls him out on it makes me like her a little bit more). Also he's got a supercomputer/lab/catapult in his tooth. Jesus that's dumb.
- Fujiko and Goemon team up to steal one of the world's largest diamonds (there are a lot of those, aren't there?) in what's the most enjoyable part of the movie, particularly as I can't think of another time where only Goemon and Fujiko work together; their dynamic is pretty different to the others. This part of the movie is mostly marred by Fujiko's boobs obscuring several scenes (animators, really? REALLY?).
- Jigen meets up with YET ANOTHER of his associates from his dark past, and is also given what I believe is the most pointless and underdeveloped flashback in the entire history of the franchise.
Really, movie? You want to throw out forty years of ambiguous
storytelling* for a girl that dies thirty seconds after she's introduced?
Bottom line, as Jigen's stuck holding the Stupid Ball this time he winds up signing one last hitman contract, and surprise, the hit is Lupin. And what follows is pretty much the single most awkward and stilted conflict in Lupin history; “Oh no, I must honour my word and fulfill the contract, it's not like I'm a thief/hitman who've spent my whole life cheating and stealing and killing”. I know most Lupin writers got a boner for “Lupin vs. Jigen” plots but THIS MOVIE, Jesus.
Ooh I do wonder if they're going to kill each other, edge of my fucking seat here.
No surprise, the conflict is resolved in the most anticlimactic and nonsensical way ever.
As for the rest, the animation is annoyingly poor in this movie – nobody ever moves their eeeeyes, which is sorta creepy, and in the action scenes everybody moves painfully slow and even the simplest walk cycle looks more like barbie dolls bobbing up and down. It also got a massive amount (well okay maybe not "massive amount", but like, four) of gay jokes, mostly about Lupin - the oddest thing is that they're not funny or make the least bit of sense. First canonical penis-grabbing between main characters though, for those keeping scores at home?
However, as a nice shoutout to the Green series Lupin does spend the entire final act without trousers on. Searching for a silver lining here.
*You see, one of those things I can appreciate about Lupin III is the consistency in how they've miraculously managed to never give a love interest to Jigen. The original explanation for Jigen's disinterest in women is that he's just a big ol' misogynist, but in the actual series Lupin's arguably a bigger misogynist than he is. In fact I'm starting to believe certain writers through the years have ever-so-subtly written Jigen as gay (and not for Lupin obviously). There have been several conflicts over the years where Lupin has expressed how he wishes Jigen could be interested in women like he himself is - and at at least one occasion Jigen even sadly replies that yes, so does he. /Overthinking an anime
18. The Hemingway Papers (TV special 1990): Previous review
19. From Russia With Love (TV special, 1992): WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION FOR "WORST LUPIN MOVIE EVER", PEOPLE. Like with The Hemingway Papers this is an inordinately boring movie - it took me three tries to even get through it. There's just so little story, just the one straightforward plot - Lupin means to steal the gold of the Romanovs - that's what he's already set his eyes on from the first scene on, and that's what he succeeds at in the final scene. It's even just sitting in bank, no ancient riddles to solve or traps to outfox, and so he robs it (which goes severely against the Lupin mythos too, as he's always said that mere robberies are beneath him). It's like the scriptwriters had only one post-it note to write the script on.
Well Goemon gets an awkwardly underdeveloped subplot where the eeeeevil monk Rasputon - I'm sure you can't see his big plot twist revelation coming from a mile away - holds his legendary sword hostage and forces Goemon to servitude. This plot thread goes absolutely nowhere, by the way.
Also Rasputon has the weirdest, most disconcerting "fight style" which consists of jabbing his finger into various orifices of his enemies. I'm not even kidding.
Goemon has never before been so repeatedly forcibly penetrated outside of a kink meme. HEYOO.
The movie is just downright awkward. The art style is ugly, the animation is static (oh and EVERY SINGLE TIME something "exciting" happens we see the clip three times in rapid succession. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.), the new characters are so one-dimensional the scriptwriters use the three same old techniques to make us care about them (1. Lupin wants to bang one. 2. Fujiko lez-es it up. 3. Whoever Jigen befriends winds up dead in the final scene), and I've never seen so many homophobic jokes in another Lupin movie. Considering the decidedly metrosexual nature of our heroes I was even surprised you could cram so much homophobia into a Lupin movie.
I feel Fujiko succinctly expresses the way I feel about this movie:
Lupin III vs Detective Conan (TV special 2009): Previous review
I'll say this for Angel Tactics though; In a franchise that has seen its fair share of deus ex machinas and ass-pulls, it's impressive to sweep them all aside with the most ridiculous ass-pull of them all:
Why of course Jigen's got a small air conditioner strapped to his head on the off-chance that a member of a terrorist group will try to use knock-out gas on him. OBVIOUSLY.
